Midol, neat (3/16/12)
I’m feeling really melancholy today. I don’t know why. I don’t think it’s any single thing in particular, but a variety of things weighing on me. Maybe it’s partly the downer of having so much band activity concentrated in a short time, to suddenly having none. I know part of it is my being overwhelmed by the room project at home and the hurdles associated with that. I have nothing to look forward to this weekend except house cleaning. That wouldn’t be so bad if I knew where to put all this stuff that needs to find a place to go. A little of it is a feeling of powerlessness, as my desires seem to have little influence over my course of action. Even my actions seem to be powerless. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels to no effect. People seem to be treating me with an indifference or even mild distaste lately. I must be doing something wrong, but I don’t seem to have too many options of what I can do. I’m trying to make a difference in the life I live with my wife and daughter, yet I feel like every day is just a replay of the days before. I don’t seem to be accomplishing anything, my efforts repeatedly go unrewarded. I know things are no worse in my life than they were even a week or two ago, but I guess I feel like I should have advanced somehow, should have improved our situation a little. But everything is exactly the same. That’s not it though. I think maybe I’m just manstruating. It’s about that time for the lady; I guess I’ve synched up with her.