Friday, November 18, 2016
Responsibility, Sound at Eddie's Attic (Atlanta)
Not 4 Me at Eddie's Attic
Beans, Signal at Eddie's Attic
Minor Hero at Fenix 54 (Whittier)
Fairy Tale (1/2) at Fenix 54
Bridge Over Troubled Water cover
Hallelujah cover sample harmonies
God Is With Us by Delilah Coutant
Corduroy Lifejacket (2012)
Munro - Guitar/Voc1, Ivan X - Bass/Voc2, Jeromy Furguiele - Drums
I Imagine So
Is It My Body cover
Karma Police cover
Papaya (I'll Thank You)
See? Kay Won!
Orange Cones (2008-2011)
Munro - Guitar/Voc1, Jaysson Black - Bass/Voc2, David Martinez - Drums
Girl Singer live
Allen H rehearsal
Not 4 Me rehearsal
Papaya (I'll Thank You)
I Can't Take You
cK1 2008 rehearsal
I'll Come Running
It Comes and Goes
Hardcore Thumb rehearsal
Not 4 Me rehearsal
Stab Me rehearsal
O. Cones Live @ Therapak (2008)
Raise Those Daisies
I Imagine So
O. Cones Masterpieces of Entertainment (2008)
I Imagine So
Big Me cover
Superfluous alternate take
Chocolate Zulu (2003-2005)
Munro - Guitar/Voc1, Jaysson Black - Bass, David Rubenhold - Drum/Voc2
Get On Without
Miles of Regis
Luckiest Man Alive
Garden in my Mind
Spent Shells (2016)
Munro - Guitar/Voc1, Evad Fromme - Bass/Voc2, Jeromy Furguiele - Drums
King of the Road
Mamas / Cowboys
Famous Blue Raincoat chipmunk version
David and David - Parking Lot (2010)
Code Blue cover (2004?)
Lunchtime Jam (2010)
"The Garage" Podcast 9/12/2011
Rancho Santa Gertrudes
Battle of the Books 2014
Battle of the Books 2013
Battle of the Books 2012
Life Like Orange Cones (2001)
Late Monday full demo
Just a Habit
Wait Wait Wait
All rights reserved by their respective owners
Quicksand (guitar - "live" key)
Sunshine of My Life
Tired of Being Alone
Wait Wait Wait
Shadow of the Day
She's Leaving Home
I'll Follow You Into the Dark
Little Black Submarines
In My Life
13 Knots (2012)
Is It My Body? cover
Stab Me video
Cecilia Helena Payne
Up From Here Pt1
Up From Here Pt2
When You Call
Untitled instrumental original - a series of adjectives
Kind of Song
Never Good Enough
Cut a Hole
Sea Life Los Angeles
The Presidents Song
Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)
Here Comes Santa Claus
Cecilia Helena Payne
Easy Valley 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2016
I remember as a child having a particularly pathetic moment when I was feeling really down on myself. I felt like nobody cared. I ate ants. I don't remember why but I was feeling miserable and I felt that somehow eating ants was what I deserved, and that if I deserved better than that then someone would stop me. I think I was alone, so nobody would have seen. But that, just being left alone so much, made me feel neglected.
I don't know what was happening or who would have been around who might have been responsible for me. I don't remember why I was eating anything. I just remember this really pathetic feeling. Feeling sorry for myself. The bitter taste of the ants. Then I felt sorry for the ants.
I don't ever want my daughter to feel that way. It makes me really sad thinking that she ever might. I know I wasn't terribly mistreated and abused. My childhood - my life - was never that bad. But still, the way I felt, I hate to think I could allow my cherished and beloved child to ever feel that way. I know that sometimes we have to hit bottom to know where it is, and to realize how far above it we usually are. But I hope she doesn't feel so worthless and unwanted as I felt in that moment while she's still a child. I hope she can make it another 5 years before she experiences the utter misery that is being a teenage girl. I don't know how old I was when I ate ants, but I wouldn't have been more than 10. Anyway, something to focus on, to try to make sure she doesn't have an experience like this.
Friday, July 15, 2016
I keep being requested to attend these meetings and I keep missing them. I'm not used to having the expectation put on me to be somewhere at a specific minute for a non-specific amount of time to listen to people say, "Do you think...?" "Yes, I think..." "And what about...?" "That's a good question, we'll get Bob on the next call."
Let's say the meeting is at 1. I'll be aware of it at 11:30, then I'll go to lunch, then I get back at 1:40 to realize that I completely spaced it. Even if I only have 5 minutes to wait, I'll get distracted by whatever I'm filling my time with, and I'll realize 15 minutes later that I'm 10 minutes late for the call. I don't like it! I don't know what I want instead, but this doesn't feel like it.
Today the conference call is at 7:30 am. Now, I don't get into the office until about 9, but the meeting hosts are on the east coast, so the meeting is ridiculously early for us westerners. So I have to call in from home, in my robe, with my first cup of coffee. I'm taking notes on a sheet of printer paper with a golf pencil. I've got 3 or 4 minutes to go, and I'm sure I'll lose track of time and be late. I've been thinking for the past 14 years that "this corporate thing isn't so bad. It's not like in the movies and whatnot." Well that's because we weren't a typical corporation, as portrayed in the movies and whatnot. But now it's getting that way. I'm starting to feel really stifled, unappreciated and out of place.
Well, I have to dial in now.
Okay, well that's over. 20 minutes later and I was able to tell them, "yes, I'm a graphic designer. Yes, I know how to stretch one end of a vector shape without distorting the curves at the other end." Funny how much doubt some people have that other people understand anything. It's okay, better safe than sorry.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Have you ever heard of this guy moot? I hadn't. And already I've lost the game. There, did it again.
I've always thought (and endlessly written and blogged about it) that my writing style sucks. I don't like the level from within myself that I write. Much too deep. I feel like I don't know enough about what the rest of the world thinks about to connect with them on a shared level; my stuff always comes from deep within my psyche, so much so that I'm afraid people won't relate.
I'll tell you this, though, and it's from way deep: I've addressed previously how I am glad fame never found me. On the other hand, I've lived much of my life with the intent that someday people will care what I did. For this I'm counting on death to help me out. I have definitely noticed that death makes a person more interesting to the remaining living. I'm hoping that, when I'm dead, all the things I've written, played, recorded or performed will become interesting. And there's so much. I just hope somebody knows where to find it. I don't think my wife will care to make everything I've done public, but I hope somebody will care to. She'd be the one to talk to. She's got my old cassettes, videos, passwords to my sites, etc. Tell her I asked you to come get it. I'll get some papers drawn up.
I realize that none of my stuff is quite good enough to make it on its own, but I'm counting on the interest level of my daughter's fans and the morbid fascination people have with the dead to boost the interest factor. Then there's the sheer volume of stuff. I think there's something at least noteworthy if not admirable about someone who loved his art so much that he kept at it in spite of the lack of outside interest/recognition.
I can understand that some of my friends might feel slighted by my implication that I don't have any fans. Please don't take it like that. I don't think of you as fans BECAUSE I think of you as friends. You can be both, and I guess I discount you as a fan because of my own insecurities. I appreciate your support. I guess I don't know what makes a fan. I guess I feel like my friends support me because they're my friends, not because my shit is any good. Also, I don't know what having to come to terms with the fact that people like me because of my talent as a writer and/or performer would do to my personality. I'm really afraid that I would become an asshole. Having a bunch of fans would almost force me to accept that, at least in some ways, I AM better than you/others, and I'm not excited about getting to that place.
In closing (maybe? Stream-of-consciousness going on here) understand that what I really want in death is for anyone who liked anything I did to take it and use it. Cover it, adapt it, whatever, give me posthumous credit and give the royalties to my family.
Friday, March 18, 2016
Most of what I remember from my travels through my life is what I thought of each experience. That includes anything I said to anyone, as that is the only thing I have control over, and so it's the thing I give the most thought to.
I tend to by hypercritical of myself and everything I say. I'm not so hard on myself when it comes to the things I do, as I feel that I do a decent job of things, and I seem to get it right a fair amount of the time. It's the things I say to people that really get on my nerves.
I have a bit of what they nowadays call a social anxiety disorder. To this I would like to pose the general question as it relates to human beings and the way they process things in their minds: what is order? A disorder implies that things are not lined up the way they should be. In light of the fact that each brain is a little different, develops differently, and finds its own way of doing the common things that people must do to survive (adaptability and all that), what exactly is "order"? That implies the "perfect brain" doing everything just right if "disorder" is doing things in an incorrect or inefficient way.
Anyway, so I have this "disorder" which makes it sometimes difficult for me to talk to people, particularly ones I don't know (or don't know well). Fortunately for me, each humiliation I face from invariably saying the "wrong" thing to a stranger or new acquaintance overshadows the previous failure, so they don't build up, creating a bottomless chasm of embarrassment from which I can no longer see the light. No, each time I speak I am dominated by the foolishness I feel for this most recent encounter, which blocks out most previous flubs as all I can think about is how stupid I sounded and how badly the recipient of my remarks thought of me. Again, a lot of this might be in my head. I'm sure each of these people has their own disorder, and maybe they're obsessing about how they didn't react the way they would have liked to in response to my communication, but I never think of it that way. I just remember the way they looked at the moment I was speaking (perhaps they were just processing the information) and I think, "wow, he was looking at me like I'm a total moron. He's absolutely right."
So I just want to say, if I've recently met you, or we've had any kind of encounter which involved me expressing anything to you, I did not intend to behave inappropriately, I just don't know what to say most of the time.
So I would like to extend the idea that, if I seem like I think I'm "too cool" to talk to you, that's not it. I'm nervous. I already have a hard time talking to people I don't know well, I clearly have some emotional scars from an unpopular youth, and my brother used to push me onto my head when we were little, so there might be some cerebral scarring as well. I wish I knew what to say. I wish I had an easy time talking to people like my wife does. But all I can think of is, "they don't care about that. Why are you telling them things? They're wondering why you think they would possibly want to know anything about you. Shut up already!"
So please recognize my awkwardness and silence for what it really is: actual awkwardness (as opposed to an effort to make it awkward) and insecurity. If I believe someone has a genuine reason to want to know me, I'll open up, and you'll likely never get me to shut up. If that's the case, just remember, rejection = "never talk to that person again."