More successful than I'll accept
I know there are ways to buy notoriety and recognition, but I'd rather earn them honestly, by having people decide they like me rather than shoving me down their throats so they have no choice but to recognize me, to then have me "grow on you." Do I want success as a musician? Yes, that would be nice. Do I want superstardom? No, I'm pretty sure I don't. How, then, would I define "success"? Well, I feel I am successful in life. Heck, I've even been successful as a musician, in that I've learned to play and continue to improve, I've performed for people and had positive reactions. I've even sustained myself financially as a member of a music group. The only thing I have yet to do is to provide for my family by way of playing/writing music. That's still my eventual goal, however long that takes. That's the dream. The question lingers about whether, once it becomes my "job" will it then feel like a burden and ruin it for me.
I've never wanted to be "fake" and act in a way that I don't feel, or go through my Facebook posts and "like" every comment regardless of whether I like it, just to satisfy the audience. Let me be clear; I'm not against satisfying an audience, even if it means playing something I don't feel like playing. What I'll have trouble doing is acting like I'm thrilled to do the things I don't feel. I value honesty, and I feel wrong lying to people. The best I can do is not say the things that might upset people. Another thing I notice about "successful" music groups is how big a part their management and marketers play in their success. That's something else I'm glad I don't have to grapple with. I don't want to be some marketer's bitch.
This post actually started as a MunroMusic post, but it turned too speculative/negative for that page. I made the decision to keep that site light and somewhat positive, focusing on the music and my performances, without getting into the gritty details of my thought processes. So I pasted it in over here so I could expound on the idea of selling out without being fake. I was writing about my new song, "Don't need a dime" when I went off on this track, so let me circle back to that. "Don't need a dime" tells of how, at my age, I'd rather play music I believe in than jump around like a sock puppet for The Man. Not explicitly; it actually says that I've never become a success in the mainstream industry, or even on the fringes, really. I bet all the people who truly admire me as a musician could fit in this room with me right now. I mean, not with all the stuff that's here at the moment, but if it was cleared out. Then again, I have this nasty habit of discounting people I know, people I've worked with, people I'm related to. For some reason I seek the admiration of people I don't know personally, like that's the goal. If we know each other, you don't count (toward this ideal, anyway). That's bad on me. I need to value the admiration of friends and associates and fellow performers. I do; don't get me wrong. It's just that, as far as evaluating my success as a performer, I feel that I need the admiration of people who don't know me. How do I know I don't have it already? Because with the internet today everyone's every thought is exposed in post comments, video comments, message boards. If I were being talked about anywhere, I should be able to see it. Then again, if it's people I don't know, I guess I wouldn't have reason to see it. Maybe there are people out there saying things like, "the guy who played bass for Gitane in Leipzig, he was so great! What ever happened to him? What was his name? I don't know!" Yeah, probably not that common of a conversation.
So I guess I need to change the way I evaluate my success. Like I said earlier in this post, I am successful in that I've learned to play music (one thing I no longer have to wish), I continue to improve (I'm still taking classes even now), I've performed with some great people and at some super cool shows, and the people I know admire my musicianship. Even if I'm not anyone's favorite, or on anyone's popular playlist, I have the little victories. And I'm not done. As with the continuing improvement, I haven't given up on doing more with it. I've passed the time when I might be a pop star, but I don't think I'd really want that anyway; I've probably missed the chance to be an underground sensation, touring the world to the delight of fans everywhere, and I'm pretty sure I'll never have chart success. But that's okay. There's still a chance that I can be a renowned songwriter, or a composer or a performer who pays the bills playing. I could get in a talk show band, or some other position where I won't necessarily be noticed or required to fit a specific image.
What I like about what I have now is that I don't need to please anyone. I don't work for anyone. What I do is completely at my own discretion. I have total creative freedom. I've often heard of artists coveting such a privilege. It may not be profitable just yet, and if someday it is I lose some of that freedom, that would probably be okay, as I'd trade some of my artistic autonomy for a decent check. But like the song says, "I'll gladly surrender to their legal tender, but I won't succumb to the greed." No matter what they offer me, I refuse to be totally fake and contrived just for the money. And if the payday never comes, that's okay too. "I don't need a dime to sing."
I've never wanted to be "fake" and act in a way that I don't feel, or go through my Facebook posts and "like" every comment regardless of whether I like it, just to satisfy the audience. Let me be clear; I'm not against satisfying an audience, even if it means playing something I don't feel like playing. What I'll have trouble doing is acting like I'm thrilled to do the things I don't feel. I value honesty, and I feel wrong lying to people. The best I can do is not say the things that might upset people. Another thing I notice about "successful" music groups is how big a part their management and marketers play in their success. That's something else I'm glad I don't have to grapple with. I don't want to be some marketer's bitch.
This post actually started as a MunroMusic post, but it turned too speculative/negative for that page. I made the decision to keep that site light and somewhat positive, focusing on the music and my performances, without getting into the gritty details of my thought processes. So I pasted it in over here so I could expound on the idea of selling out without being fake. I was writing about my new song, "Don't need a dime" when I went off on this track, so let me circle back to that. "Don't need a dime" tells of how, at my age, I'd rather play music I believe in than jump around like a sock puppet for The Man. Not explicitly; it actually says that I've never become a success in the mainstream industry, or even on the fringes, really. I bet all the people who truly admire me as a musician could fit in this room with me right now. I mean, not with all the stuff that's here at the moment, but if it was cleared out. Then again, I have this nasty habit of discounting people I know, people I've worked with, people I'm related to. For some reason I seek the admiration of people I don't know personally, like that's the goal. If we know each other, you don't count (toward this ideal, anyway). That's bad on me. I need to value the admiration of friends and associates and fellow performers. I do; don't get me wrong. It's just that, as far as evaluating my success as a performer, I feel that I need the admiration of people who don't know me. How do I know I don't have it already? Because with the internet today everyone's every thought is exposed in post comments, video comments, message boards. If I were being talked about anywhere, I should be able to see it. Then again, if it's people I don't know, I guess I wouldn't have reason to see it. Maybe there are people out there saying things like, "the guy who played bass for Gitane in Leipzig, he was so great! What ever happened to him? What was his name? I don't know!" Yeah, probably not that common of a conversation.
So I guess I need to change the way I evaluate my success. Like I said earlier in this post, I am successful in that I've learned to play music (one thing I no longer have to wish), I continue to improve (I'm still taking classes even now), I've performed with some great people and at some super cool shows, and the people I know admire my musicianship. Even if I'm not anyone's favorite, or on anyone's popular playlist, I have the little victories. And I'm not done. As with the continuing improvement, I haven't given up on doing more with it. I've passed the time when I might be a pop star, but I don't think I'd really want that anyway; I've probably missed the chance to be an underground sensation, touring the world to the delight of fans everywhere, and I'm pretty sure I'll never have chart success. But that's okay. There's still a chance that I can be a renowned songwriter, or a composer or a performer who pays the bills playing. I could get in a talk show band, or some other position where I won't necessarily be noticed or required to fit a specific image.
What I like about what I have now is that I don't need to please anyone. I don't work for anyone. What I do is completely at my own discretion. I have total creative freedom. I've often heard of artists coveting such a privilege. It may not be profitable just yet, and if someday it is I lose some of that freedom, that would probably be okay, as I'd trade some of my artistic autonomy for a decent check. But like the song says, "I'll gladly surrender to their legal tender, but I won't succumb to the greed." No matter what they offer me, I refuse to be totally fake and contrived just for the money. And if the payday never comes, that's okay too. "I don't need a dime to sing."
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