Spastic

I just had a realization that people see me as some sort of spastic because I'm rocking all the time. I've always known that i rock, like shift my weight back & forth. I rock when I'm sitting. I find my center of gravity and I shift to make sure I have control of it. I can lose my balance and fall if I stand totally still for too long. I didn't realize how much of a character trait it was. I realized because my best friend told me, in a no-holds-barred "tell me the truth about myself" moment, he said the thing his friends thought was the weirdest about me was "the rocking." Imagining someone else doing that, I guess I would think they were a little spastic. That's the thing that stands out about me? I always knew I did it but it was just an aside sort of thing. But that stands out about me. I'm clearly a spastic. Whatever else is wrong with me, whatever else goes along with being this way, this kind of special, we don't really know. We know he's a smart-ass, he's not as funny as he thinks he is, and he mumbles.
People take a little time looking at me, sizing me up, when I'm doing my thing. They look at me like they don't know what they're looking at. Then when you find out I'm pretty much mentally all there, then the one oddity stands out, and it's like, "what the f is wrong with that guy? He's not like retarded or anything, why is he moving like that?" People take a little while to decide they like me. I never knew why. I can so use this.  If I'm just standing there, I'm invisible, but if I'm engaged, I'm probably moving around like a ... that's what I don't know. That's what I don't have a word for. I guess nobody calls me it because it's mean, like real mean. Or maybe it's one of those words people do call me, and I don't associate them with my particular brand of bend.
I guess I look funny. One room full of guys thinks so.

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